i still find it hard to accept

to consider others better than yourself, and to look other’s interest and not mine. everyday there is some obstacle i face, and i try so bad trying to put them ahead of me, or to even let silly remarks slip. i am human. sometimes i explode. i’m still learning, i suppose. i would like to say, it’s THEIR fault, not mine. but i think i’d become a better person if i forget about it. 

July 2nd, 2010

*like*

i like too many stuff, resulting me sounding like a moron. maybe. my list of liking stuff! :D for no reason at all. 

i like:

1. silhouettes
2. fairy lights
3. fireworks
4. cakes. creamy ones
5. movenpick. or is it movenpik?
6. boots
7. spring
8. autumn
9. summer
10. winter when it’s not raining
11. sun showers
12. water
13. keri juice
14. perfumes. nice smelling ones
15. going to smith and caughey with danica
16. laughing too much = cheek cramps and stitches
17. hanging out with people i like xD
18. awkward moments which makes me lol
19. typing
20. tumblr
21. cute dresses
22. wearing dresses/skirts
23. talking to strangers and pretend i know what they’re talking about
24. smile
25. sleepovers!
26. girly sleepovers
27. photography
28. praise & worship nights
29. clavicles
30. heels that i’d never wear
31. baggy tops
32. umbrellas
33. fisheye
34. shoulder bags
35. watching tv
36. sleeping in
37. music
38. bokeh bokeh bokeh
39. the *like* thing on like, FB, tumblr, weheartit. xD
40. worldprayr
41. twitter rather than msn
42. fancy dinners!
43. splurging
44. dr oz show :’D
45. orange leaves
46. sydney: QVB!
47. viaduct
48. reading tweeny books. i.e: perks of being a wallflower & looking for alaska
49. romantic comedy films
50. crying after exploding
51. asian culture
52. european culture
53. lips
54. eyelashes
55. desserts
56. snacks
57. FOOD xD
58. jumpers
59. clapping till my hands go red
60. shouting out to Him
61. jumping
62. jumping pictures
63. snail mail
64. junk mail
65. recycling
66. cute bottles
67. jars
68. pretending i’m not asian sometimes LOL
69. THIS NUMBER. jk
70. dawn
71. dusk
72. creativity
73. kikki k
74. smiggles
75. beanies
76. making to do lists or lists in general
77. plats
78. camera whoring
79. making faces
80. photoboothing
81. going to gigs
82. nice smelling people
83. laughing for no reason
84. park benches

uhhh. i can’t think of anything else at the moment. :D to be continued.

May 25th, 2010

lol i completely forgot about this blog.

ho hum.

May 12th, 2010

satanism on omegle

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: bang bang

Stranger: thats not funy

You: how come

Stranger: im sure that u r a sick silly boy

You: …. what? i wasn’t even talking about sex, you weirdo

You: bang as in you know. GUNS

You: what a dumb slut

Stranger: u dont even know who the fuck im and were i came from we live to shoot fuckers like u

Stranger: with all types of guns

You: it’s called an ever better saying than just hi

You: lol gtfo

You: you’re too serious mate

You: cheer up poppet

Stranger: from were i come u need to be always serious and specially u should take ur gun werever u go

You: well i’m sorry i’m not a nigga bad ass shit

Stranger: and fuckin hate that

You: where is this? america?

Stranger: if u dare enough try to say that when i get ur ass

Stranger: face to face

Stranger: motha fucka

You: … okay sure

You: i’ll get my maori bros to back me up

Stranger: ill shoot u r white tiny ass

You: and they’ll kapa haka your ass

You: actually i’m not white

Stranger: and im not a nigga

You: that’s great

Stranger: im from js its a living hell

You: what is js? jersey?

Stranger: nn body im from jendouba

You: i don’t even know where that is

Stranger: u better dont

Stranger: lol

You: are you muslim

Stranger: nn im satanic

You: are you being serious?

Stranger: yea

Stranger: i shit u not

You: what is satanic then

Stranger: devils shit

Stranger: u dont know it ?

You: i mean, yeah i know that you believe in the devil

You: but what’s the point

Stranger: power feerless no love no emotions no nothing but anger

You: … that makes sense

You: as to why you’re all “FUCKKK” all the time

Stranger: yea i think so

You: so do you worship him

Stranger: nn i just listen to him

Stranger: and do wats right

You: what’s “right” in your perspective then?

Stranger: follow ur mind and never ur damn heart

You: rationalism?

Stranger: and in hell nobody can help u but the devil

You: how does the devil help you if you’re in hell? doesn’t he just make you more angry and then you’re gonna lash it out on people

You: lashing it out on people = killing = jail?

You: how does he help you?

Stranger: its keeps from wat hurt me before

You: hurt you? what did that?

Stranger: family, the fuckin love , and my damn society

You: so i guess you’ve given up on everything, and you’re trying to live on by yourself with your energy, your gun, and your anger

You: and you just rely on yourself?

Stranger: and nobody else

You: isn’t that hard?

You: not trusting anyone else but yourself? no one else to talk to about your problems

Stranger: i dont hav any better way to live

You: there are better ways. you just have to find it.

Stranger: i tried before i found a girl i thought she will help but she made me even worst

You: what made you go into satanism? who introduced you to it?

You: i see.

Stranger: pain

You: she’s only human though. live goes on.

You: *life.

Stranger: i live the pain since i was a kid

You: have you ever talked to anyone about it?

Stranger: nn

You: why not? because it’s not the manly thing to do?

Stranger: nn i do everything by myself

You: that’s what men usually do, everything by themselves, especially when they’ve gone into adulthood - and not realising that it’s OKAY to have help once in a while

Stranger: r u a woman ?

You: apparently so.

Stranger: its weired

You: what’s weird?

Stranger: i never talk about this to any woman

You: well, you can just think i’m a man. there’s no difference. it’s not like you can see me

Stranger: i didnt say that i didnt like it

Stranger: and that what is weird

You: oh. okay then.

You: are you into metal music then?

Stranger: somehow

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

fuck.

March 20th, 2010

i didn’t think hurting someone would be so much fun.

no wonder all the mean girls do it.

March 15th, 2010

i like the word fuck. because it’s fun to say.

i don’t like it when other people say it. especially when my step dad & his family says ‘fuck’. but that lead singer dude from semi precious weapons say ‘fuck’ sort of nice like. 

i like how my lips go ‘fahhk’ like. i don’t know, i just felt like saying this.

March 15th, 2010

on the verge of death. i suppose this is what Freud was talking about when he thought of the Death Instinct.

need help now more than ever.

March 10th, 2010

i don’t feel like i belong in this world. and that’s okay, for i know i’m only here temporary. BRING IT ON, SUCKERS.

March 8th, 2010

funny how the littlest things can piss you off

like cuts on your fingers for example. i don’t know how i have managed to get lots of them this past week, but i have. and when i wash my hands, it stings like motherfuckingstings. another example is like, a little cut on your leg from shaving too quickly. stupid cuts. stupid. stupid.

it doesn’t ruin my day, no. it just stings really bad so my face goes all >:(

then again, it’s also funny how the littlest things can make you smile.

March 7th, 2010

sacrifice

it’s not an easy task, is it? giving up something you’d like to do, and instead you’re doing what’s right. giving up your seat for an elderly, for example, or your time to read to someone - or even giving up your time to listen to someone venting. sacrifice. whenever there’s sacrifice, there will be a blessing. that is what i believe.

we have to make sacrifices to be something. be SOMEONE. and when we finally achieve our goal. we will feel good about it. there WILL be good things from our hard work. 

so all those times you didn’t attend a party, or some sleepover, or you had to cancel some lunch date - it will be worth it in the end. because you will be satisfied of yourself. and that’s enough.

March 3rd, 2010